VATICAN CORNER
The week of March 26th, 2017 saw some startling news stories come out of the Vatican. According to a Vatican spokesman, the idea of constructing a 600 foot diameter Ferris wheel in St. Peter’s Square is being seriously considered. Its purpose will be to allow more of the faithful to see and hear the activities when the Square becomes filled to capacity. The slow turning wheel will have 40 cabins, each capable of holding 40 people. Audio speakers in the cabins will allow the riders to hear the words and music from the Square and each cabin will have kneelers, a donation slot and could also be used as a confessional. In keeping with his philosophy of living “green” the Pope’s transport domestically and on foreign trips will no longer depend on vehicles using internal combustion engines. Instead he will use a small, light carriage that will be pulled by 18 miniature ponies. The ponies, selected for their average height of 36”, will be able to accompany the Pope on a plane when he flies. The carriage will be made of recycled materials but will also be bullet proof and contain the latest security features. Its unique design will enable it to collapse and fit in the cargo hole of a jet. The Pope is always very concerned about the health of the children in the world and in particular the developed world where a sedentary life style has become an epidemic. To encourage children to exercise more he has developed a Vatican exercise video. The Pope himself only appears briefly, but he does perform a couple of sit-ups. The rest of the video consists of bishops leading groups of children in various fun exercises all around the world. But for some odd reason the bishops are dressed in their robes which makes some of the exercise movements hard to follow and occasionally cause them to get tangled and fall. The video is unintentional hilarious. As a source of additional income, the Vatican has decided to issue a set of miniature drinking glasses with the faces of the popes. For 266 consecutive weeks and following chronologically beginning with St. Peter, collectors will be able to purchase a glass with a different pope’s face each week at their local church. It is thought that by selling in this manner church attendance will be improved. The Vatican is also making a wooden storage cabinet available to hold the entire set of glasses and it will be constructed of recycled wood from the huge Christmas tree that is displayed in St. Peter’s Square. The cost of the glasses and cabinet has not yet been set. With no explanation, the Vatican has made a new rule for all Catholics in the world that: “Sugary foods and drinks can no longer be consumed on Wednesdays, and nuts and water should be substituted in their place. Also the Pope would like nuts to be much more prevalent in everyone’s diet every day. Shame on you if you are reading this column while Mass is going on, and I hope that it made you smile, since it is only an April- Fool joke.
Source: cerebellum